Need You Now
by You'veMadeYourBed
Summary: 'It had been a month, exactly to the day, since she had seen him.' Inspired by 'Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum.


It had been a month, exactly to the day, since she had seen him. A whole month since the fight that had seen them both leave, willing the tears in their eyes not to fall, for their hearts to hold together just for as long as it took to gather their suitcases and flee, a month that they had spent apart, each moment that passed seeming to ache more than the last.

She had promised Santana, promised _herself_ she wouldn't call him. Her best friend had her best interests at heart; she knew that calling him would just reopen wounds that had barely even started to heal, that the problems that had ended their relationship wouldn't disappear simply because they were hurting.

All Rachel had wanted was to try and relax for one night, to enjoy a nice glass of wine, forget all about Noah Puckerman. But the fates seemed to disagree with her plan, hence her sitting on the floor in the living room of her spacious New York apartment, surrounded by photographs. It may have seemed conceited for her to admit, but they really did make a beautiful couple, like Noah's mom said, they'd have gorgeous children. Any hope of that happening had gone out the door when Noah did, all of the plans they'd made, the dreams they'd wanted to achieve together...

"Shit" Rachel mumbled, realising that her efforts to cheer herself up were falling flat. She picked up her glass and took another slug of wine, wiping away the tears that were threatening to spill over. She still didn't understand where they had gone so wrong, not really. Sure their relationship had always been somewhat volatile, but even after their fights (and they were pretty common), they would always make up; exchanging gentle I love you's from deep within the other's embrace. Yes they were good at arguing, but there wasn't a couple they knew who did making up as well as they did it.

In the midst of wallowing in self pity, Rachel glanced at the clock on her wall and realised he was probably at work right now. He was trying to make it as a musician, but as anyone could tell you, Rachel Berry wasn't the type of girl who settled for some guy who busked while hoping to get lucky with a kindly passer-by, so he worked security at a building downtown.

Convincing herself that all she wanted was to hear his voice, Rachel dialled number 1 on her speed dial, a number that Santana had been trying to get her to change for exactly a month now.

* * *

Puck downed another shot of the whiskey, his eyes landing on his phone, silently praying that someone, _anyone_ would call him and distract him from thinking about her. Since the breakup it felt like that was all he'd done, every time he saw something that reminded him of her (which, as it turned out, was pretty much everything), his heart constricted and he felt an overpowering rush of regret. Regret for the way things had turned out, regret that he'd _let _it happen, he hadn't fought hard enough for her, not when he really thought about it.

It's just that he'd been so busy lately, trying to become the success that _she_ told him he could be. So yeah, maybe it was pretty difficult for him to watch her seemingly effortless rise to fame while he was struggling, but he loved his girl, he wanted the best for her. But somewhere along the line he'd started to maybe resent the fact that she was doing so much better than he was. He knew it was stupid, knew that Rachel had worked her whole life to get where she was finally was, she thoroughly deserved her success.

He hadn't meant to let the feelings of resentment take over, to let them spill into this hateful, insecure mess he was becoming, but he couldn't do anything to stop it. The usually comforting 'you'll get there' pep talk from Rachel had ceased to do what was intended and now just made him more annoyed. Rachel could see what was happening; how could she not? She knew Puck better than anyone, better than himself even.

Which just made everything that much more difficult. He loved her, loved her more than he ever thought was possible. Even now, when they had broken up, he couldn't see a future for himself without Rachel Berry playing a significant part.

When the phone rang he suddenly became conscious of the fact the movie he had hoped to distract himself with was finished, the credits rolling slowly down the screen. He sighed deeply, picking up the phone with a deep scowl shadowing his features.

"Hello?"

"I... I'm, sorry... I didn't mean to call you."

"Rachel?" He genuinely feared his heart may have stopped at the mere sound of her voice, "Why are you..."

"I... I thought you'd be out" she interrupted lamely, the air thick with tension on both ends of the line.

"I got the night off. Why did you call me, Rach?"

"I don't know" she muttered, "I just...I just missed you. I wanted to hear your voice."

There was a beat of silence on the other end of the line as he digested her words. "You managed to last this long, what's changed?"

Rachel felt tears fill her eyes at the hurt colouring his tone. Did he think he was the only one hurting? That she hadn't missed him every minute of every day since he'd been gone?

"I'm sorry Noah; I didn't want to upset you. Can we just forget that this phone call ever happened?"

"What?" Puck's heart sped up, "Are you kidding me? You call and allow me to think that maybe, just _maybe_, there's a chance that we can get back to at least being civil to each other, and then just snatch it away again? No way Rach, not a chance in hell you're getting away with that."

"What do you want me to say Noah?" The tears were really falling now, "Do you want me to say that I still love you? That I want us to get back together as if this past month never happened? Because I hate to be the bearer of bad news Noah, but it doesn't work like that okay? Things aren't that easy."

"Why not?"

"Excuse me?"

"I said why not?" He could hear, could _sense_ how upset she was, and the tight feeling that had been in his chest before was now an almost unbearable ache. "Rach, please..."

"I don't know what to say to you Noah" she said honestly, quiet now, "I know that I still love you, and I know that I probably always will. But sometimes it just isn't enough, you saw it yourself every time we had an argument, and I don't want us to be in a relationship that neither of us is happy in, we both deserve better that that."

"Rachel, I'm sorry okay? I should have fought harder, I should never have let things go this far. I miss you Rach, when you left me my heart broke, and I really don't think anyone can put it back together but you.

"I messed up, okay? I know I messed up, and I've never regretted anything this much in my life. I let you leave when I should have been down on my knees begging you to stay, and for that I am truly sorry."

Rachel had very rarely heard him this sincere; she just had one burning question. "Why did you let me leave?"

He sighed deeply, running his spare hand roughly over his head. "It's hard to explain... I got scared I guess, I mean, you're getting more famous by the week and what am I? A doorman who can play the guitar I just don't want you to wake up one morning and realise that you're way out of my league. And I suppose you could also probably say that I'm jealous of your success, no matter how much I know you deserve it. I love you Rach, you're the most amazing performer I've ever seen, but is it so wrong for me to want the same success? I'm working harder than I ever thought possible, and I'm getting nowhere."

"Oh Noah... Why did you never tell me that that's how you feel? Everything makes so much sense now." And it did, the strange look in his eyes whenever she had a successful audition, right there behind the love and warmth, even the way he'd started to get clingy whenever she had plans that didn't involve him.

"I just didn't want you to think I was just being a jealous kid. But it doesn't matter now; it's not like I can lose you again right?" He chuckled bitterly at his own joke and Rachel couldn't help the smile that formed on her lips.

"Do you want to, I mean, you can say no if you want, but would you like to maybe get a coffee with me tomorrow? I'm not promising anything" she added hastily, "but maybe we could talk? See if this is worth taking another shot at?"

When Puck eventually hung up an hour later, having just been talking and laughing with Rachel, he couldn't prevent the thought that maybe this was it; maybe he could finally get his girl back with him where she belonged.


End file.
